A number one dad, ten out of ten, Dad of the year, gettin laid all year this year, best dad ever, you did it.
sometimes I think about this comic and I just burst out laughing
I have reblogged this ten thousand times
I HAVEN’T LAUGHED THIS HARD IN THREE YEARS I AM HAVING AN ASTHMA ATTCK
I laugh until I cry every. single. time.
I swear Loki invented autocorrect.
It’s Crowley, I’m telling you! Autocorrect and the M4.
Auburn cockrocket. Auto cat rectal. Jesus chalupa. I think autocorrect is just a highly advanced artificial intelligence that understands our humor better than we do.
I love autocorrect, I laugh so hard every time
- You are stronger than you realise.
- You are crueller than you realise.
- The smallest words will break your heart.
- You will change. You’re not the same person you were three years ago. You’re not even the same person you were three minutes ago and that’s okay. Especially if you don’t like the person you were three minutes ago.
- People come and go. Some are cigarette breaks, others are forest fires.
- You won’t like your name until you hear someone say it in their sleep.
- You’ll forget your email password but ten years from now you’ll still remember the number of steps up to his flat.
- You don’t have to open the curtains if you don’t want to.
- Never stop yourself texting someone. If you love them at 4 a.m., tell them. If you still love them at 9.30 a.m., tell them again.
- Make sure you have a safe place. Whether it’s the kitchen floor or the Travel section of a bookshop, just make sure you have a safe place.
- You will be scared of all kinds of things, of spiders and clowns and eating alone, but your biggest fear will be that people will see you the way you see yourself.
- Sometimes, looking at someone will be like looking into the sun. Sometimes someone will look at you like you are the sun. Wait for it.
- You will learn how to sleep alone, how to avoid the cold corners but still fill a bed.
- Always be friends with the broken people. They know how to survive.
- You can love someone and hate them, all at once. You can miss them so much you ache but still ignore your phone when they call.
- You are good at something, whether it’s making someone laugh or remembering their birthday. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that these things don’t matter.
- You will always be hungry for love. Always. Even when someone is asleep next to you you’ll envy the pillow touching their cheek and the sheet hiding their skin.
- Loneliness is nothing to do with how many people are around you but how many of them understand you.
- People say I love you all the time. Even when they say, ‘Why didn’t you call me back?’ or ‘He’s an asshole.’ Make sure you’re listening.
- You will be okay.
- You will be okay.
|—||21 things my father never told me. (via avantshit)|
fun fact: “nolo” is latin for “do not want” so if someone says yolo you can say nolo and they’ll think its just a stupid comeback but in all actuality you’re speaking latin which is classy as shit so haha the jokes on them
and it means “(you’re) embarrassing” in finnish so it’s double joke on them
The more you nolo
there is only two people on this earth that make those moves work for them
can you imagine being his neighbor and seeing him dance like that
Life is unfair. you put someone first who puts you second. you study your ass off for a final only to get a C. you give 110% to someone in a relationship who only gives 40%. you’re there for a best friend at 3:00am and the next day they don’t pick up their phone. it seems like you’re giving everyone everything and they’re just walking away with it.
omg apparently artificial banana flavoring is based on the gros michel banana which was wiped out by a banana plague in the 50s and the banana we eat today is a totally different thing called the cavendish and thats why banana candy doesnt taste like bananas do you know how lied to i feel. like there was a fucking banana apocalypse and no one told me about it until now